Failure To Submit

Black Excellence Breakfast Club Interview Dating Dr.Heavenly Fantasia Feminist

Recently there was an interview of Fantasia circulating on the web where she said women aren’t in relationships because they don’t know how to submit. This pissed off a lot of women who saw it and won a lot of praise from men.

To be quite frank I agreed with her to certain extent, what people failed to take in account is some people haven’t seen the proper dynamic between their parents. Some people only know toxic relationships. Or they come from single parent households where their parent’s door was treated like an airport terminal. I’m just saying... Don’t shoot the messenger?

Being that I’m a woman of faith, I have to agree with Fantasia that we should submit to men. If you watch the show “Married To Medicine” Dr.Heavenly harps on this a lot. The difference between them and the average woman out here dating? Most women are dodging F-boys left and right. These women have been blessed to find their equal. These aren't the days of our grandparents where we everyone has upstanding morals. Men being men, taking care of home, being reliable despite their shortcomings. I’m not going to sugar coat the cheating that went on back then. At least they had enough sense to keep their dirt in the street where it belonged!

These male species nowadays want to be just as hoeish and don’t want to be nowhere near as responsible. Men stated that they don’t step up because they aren’t required to nor do they have to accept their manly roles. Now, I’m not trying to start an argument between the genders but there’s enough blame on each side. Just trying to unpack the hurt in these statements of hurt because I understand each side’s frustration.

Most of the women I spoke with have no problem submitting to a man. It’s just the type of man we have to submit too. No woman wants to be with a man they can’t depend on. It’s in embedded in a man to be a provider and protector. I blame women for being enablers, we’ve allowed them to become sorry and poor hustlers. Just like a man doesn’t want a sorry woman who can’t be beneficial to him. It works both ways. I can’t speak for everyone, in my family there were certain things that the women were taught in order to obtain a husband. I would to call them the essentials, my mother told me we should be able to run her house efficiently in her absence.

I’ll never forget being a little girl, watching Mr. Walter tell this little boy I can’t just give you everything, if I do it’ll make you a poor hustler. This happened when I was a child but it has stuck with me until this day. You know why? Women have a tendency of coddling our boys. Hate to sound sexist but I would be remiss if I didn’t state the obvious, Men have to be tough. Not saying they have to walk around like Mike Tyson but don’t be a wuss either. Women are tougher on our girls than our boys then wonder why women walk around with a chip on their shoulder. Or why they try to be manlier than the man? We have to take our place. Women say they want equality then try to be manlier than a man. Pick your battles.

Until we start unpacking these issues we’re going to continue having problems. We have to start having conversations with our elders and found out how they made it last so long. I know when I talk to my grandparents there are a lot of gems being dropped. Not to brag but my grandparents have been together almost seventy years! My parents were together until my father passed last year which was forty-five years. My mom had been with dad since she was sixteen! So, I seen commitment first hand and I’m not settling. I will be waiting on Boaz, granted it took a lot of humbling and self-reflection. That’s the part people fail to disclose.


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