Finding Strength After Grief

Losing a parent is the worst pain imaginable. It’s something that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. We all know that death is a part of life, but this type of pain hits different when it’s your parent. That’s the closest person to you on this earth. Even if you have a strained relationship with your parent, it’s still going to break you. Especially, if you never got a chance to address the issues that bothered you while they were alive. Now, those answers are resting in the grave. Bitterness will kill you more than the hatred for the other person.

In the black community, there are a lot of unspoken topics and death is certainly one of them:

From executing final wishes, keeping the family together, and how to cope once that loved one is gone. Whenever a loved one dies, everyone is there for you during the denial and isolation stage. This is the part of grief, where you are really trying to wrap your head around what really transpired. Like, did the doctor really just say they’re gone? I just spoke to them--that can’t be true! 

This is when you have a lot of family and friends around. Honestly speaking, you truly want to be left alone. You’re trying to come to terms with what the hell just happened. Like, Jesus, am I being punked right now?  If you don’t have help, here comes the hard part no one tells you about: Making the funeral arrangements. This is a daunting task in itself, because it’s pouring salt on that wound all over again. Next comes funeral--where reality really sets in--you’re not dreaming, this is your new reality and a piece of your heart is gone.

Now, if you’re a person of faith, this whole ordeal has you questioning everything. Mainly because you’re so hurt and trying to rationalize everything that just transpired. This is the anger and bargaining phase of grief--god forbid if your loved one died of an illness.

The reason why I say that is because grief is going to make you feel like you didn’t pray hard enough, or there was something more you could’ve done to give you more time. I’m saying this because these are feelings, I experienced myself when my father passed. I felt if I prayed a little harder, forced him to adhere to his doctor’s advice sooner, then he would’ve been here longer. Grief has you questioning everything and throwing all logic out the window. I was angry because Man had me believing he could live forever. I had to accept that he lived his life and completed every task asked of him.

Once I came to this realization the healing started. Do I have bad days? Of course! There were some days I didn’t want to get of bed. It’s still certain things I can’t do because it’s way too painful. Each day gives me strength though because I know he wouldn’t want me to live in misery. I’m finally in a place where I can talk about him without crying. It doesn’t happen overnight but you’ll be able to smile again. I promise!  As a person who lost a parent, this is my testimony that better days are on the horizon. I’ll pray for us all because it’s a void that‘ll never be filled.

 

Xoxo,  

Queen Ke

 


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